Overcoming insecurities is an important subject.
There are not many experiences all humans share.
Insecurity is certainly one of the not-many experiences.
We all have at one point or the other felt insecure.
We are unsure about our identity, abilities, aspirations, relationships and even future.
While it may be normal to experience this wave of unsuredness from time to time, caution must be taken in our dealing with these feelings so that they don’t cripple and limit us from living optimal lives.
How then do we apply caution? How do we learn to say no to the voice in our heads that constantly preaches insufficiency??
How do we move from the cage of insecurity to the freedom and peace being satisfied with ourselves offer???
It all starts from understanding why you feel the way you do.
Have you ever sat to ask yourself where all the worry, fear, frustration, jealousy and anger you experience come from and why you feel them?
There’s a chain of events responsible for this.
However, let’s explore the three major chains because they form the bed rock through which all other forms of insecurity are built.
Chain #1: Constant criticism
When our inadequacies are constantly dotted upon without a consequent allowance for them as necessary tools for growth, insecurity inevitably sets in.
Children who grow up in homes where they are constantly critically judged by their parents even while they do the simplest chores have a greater risk of falling into the web of insecurity as they advance in life.
Regular emphasis on our mistakes breeds the feeling of insufficiency and in turn blind us to our actual abilities.
Chain #2: Negative self image
A negative self image immediately follows when we begin to internalize the labels that has been thrown at us through criticism.
You begin to think you’re actually not good enough, smart enough, handsome or beautiful enough.
You’re worried when assigned a project or task because you feel you’re not the one for the job and you’re very much likely to mess up.
A negative self image is the wrong interpretation we have about ourselves that informs how we see ourselves and the world which ultimately begins to form our reality.
Chain #3: The need for validation
Seeking safety in the thoughts of others about you is a sure fire way to insecurity.
Yes, we’re happy when others validate our feelings. But what happens when they don’t?
We become sad and begin to doubt ourselves, we think falsely about our values because we have attached our sense of worth to the fickleness of the feelings of others.
You see, knowing the cause of our insecurities is actually the first step in overcoming insecurities.
The better aware you are of the dynamics of a problem, the better disposed you are to solving it.
The question that follows is how do we deal with these feelings of insecurity? What steps would come in handy when it comes to overcoming insecurities?
You might have tried to deal with your insecurities by hiding them. You don’t want the world to know about your flaws so you mask them but deep down within you know you’re struggling.
Here’s what to consider.
Overcoming insecurities is a process, it might take a while. But through commitment you will record measurable progress as you move across these paths.
Steps to overcoming insecurity.
#1: Learn to accept yourself
We live in times where unattainable ideals are set as the standard. The media constantly paints the picture of the perfect life and when we don’t meet up to those expectations we start beating ourselves.
Here are truths to consider.
• You have the perfect body cause you’re God’s own special creation.
• You’re a unique being with peculiar strengths and weaknesses. Comparing yourself with others isn’t a wise thing to do.
• Your flaws and shortcomings aren’t out of place, yes you’re growing and becoming better, you can have fun at it.
Sometimes when I act out of insecurity, I laugh at myself and just enjoy the whole process of correcting myself and getting things back in order.
The whole point is being able to learn from our mistakes and move on without any hesitation.
You must learn to accept the constants of life—the things that are not in your power to change and focus rather, on the variables—the things you can change.
#2: Forgive past critical judgement and steer clear of destructive critics.
Many times when people become so critical of others it’s because they are insecure themselves so they take every opportunity to make others feel less of themselves.
Steer clear of such people. Constant destructive criticism can ruin your self esteem, it can never help in overcoming insecurities
#3: See your insecurities through an objective lens.
Begin by asking questions like.
• What are the things that make me feel insecure? Why do I feel this way? When do I normally become insecure?
• Is there a way that I see things that usually turn out to be incorrect after all?
• If so, could there be a way that I can start seeing things from the optimistic vantage?
When you turn those thoughts and consequently the feelings of insecurity on its head you begin to challenge the validity of your experiences.
You’re opened up to new perspectives and you begin to access situations differently.
#4: Stop bothering what others think.
Worrying about the impression others have of you will lead to no impression at all.
Not everyone will like you or become your friend.
When you begin to live true to yourself without trying to please anyone, you no longer worry about what they think. You are free from the uncertainty that worrying what others think brings.
SEE ALSO: The Concept of GROWTH: Keynotes to Take
Concluding Thoughts
The road to overcoming insecurities can be long so it requires patience at every juncture.
A Sage once said ”the slow and steady wins the race”
Don’t beat yourself when you are caught with thoughts of insecurity rather embrace it—it’s your story of becoming.
You’re taking baby steps while learning to walk. It will be worth it in the end. It’s your ticket to the place to full potential.
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Really helpful piece! Thank you